Crap I Cannot Unlearn

I used to work at the same organization with this pretty amazing woman.  How amazing?  Well, not only is she insanely brilliant, witty, funny, and loves Jesus, but our first conversation involved frank descriptions of what happens to your body during pregnancy and I'm pretty sure the term "crotch rot" was used.  Our second conversation covered the dilemmas of wearing Spanx and a thong at the same time.  Mind you, all of this was via Office Communicator.  We didn't meet face-to-face until two months later.  Instant. Connection.

Once we bonded over the fact that we were both impossible to faze with bodily functions and had similar senses of humor, we began to email each other funny things we found on the web.  Thanks to her, I discovered TheBloggess via the now insanely famous Beyonce the Metal Chicken.  Once I wiped the tears from my eyes, I became a semi-devoted reader to this blog.  Student teaching made reading any blogs virtually impossible, but the graduating from school and subsequent unemployment has given me plenty of time to read all of the blogs on the interwebs, thus making me a daily reader of TheBloggess, who I find simply amazing in every possible way.

That being said, I was reading her blog the other day, and every week she has a weekly wrap up section, "shit i did when i wasn't here."  She is a contributor to several other websites, including this satirical sex column, sexis.  Usually I find the stuff on there tame and humorous.  It's actually safe for work, for the most part.  Except in one article, she listed about the top 10 strange things for January that readers had emailed her.  And number one blew.my.mind.  And made my soul cry a little bit because I can never go back to the moment before I clicked "play."  Brace yourself.... Are you aware.... That there is a world championship for masturbating?!!?! What the what?  Never in my 29 years would I have ever imagined that to be 'competition' material.  If you're brave enough to follow the link above, it's a YouTube interview with the current world champion.  You don't see anything really dirty, but you do have to confirm that you're over 18, 'cause that shit is serious, y'all.

I am pretty sure my jaw was on the floor the entire duration of this interview.  I cannot even go into details why, I will let the more adventurous ones of you go see for yourselves... Also, you adrenaline junkies out there, if you are brave enough to click on that link, check out the banana candle.  But be prepared to throw up in your mouth a little bit.

Now that I've scarred you for life, I do hope you'll come back around.  Next time I will post about something happy, I promise.